Respond Vs React

Respond Or React.... part Two

Want to see Part One?  Respond Or React Part I click here

Another way to think about Responses V/s Reactions is this:  A reaction is based upon the PAST; a response is based upon the future.

When we react we are basing what we have experienced and are thus hallucinating a lot of meaning on what is happening right NOW.  When we RESPOND we are looking at what has happened NOW as a moment in time, and making a decision about how we wish to see this moment affected by the future.

One of the first steps in learning to respond rather than react is to recognize places and times when you reacted to something in a way that you wished had ended up with a different outcome. In other words, in what recent situations do you recall seeing something, hearing something or otherwise having an experience where some stimulus resulted in an IMMEDIATE feeling, action or set of words that later on you either regretted, found unacceptable or wished you had said or done something different. Let’s call this situation “The Reference.”

Now, was this a one time thing that you continue to lament about, or is this a situation that keeps repeating itself over and over in various ways?  If this is a ONE time situation, May I suggest you try the “erasing” technique outlined below along with the “Edit Your Tapes.” Technique.  This will allow you to let go of the coding from the past event, and then plan how you might respond differently if the same thing happens again.

If this is a type of situation that happens over and over in some fashion, then I suggest you use the ‘Time Line” technique and “Third Person Thor!” in ADDITION to those techniques.

ERASING:  This technique does not erase the memory of an event, but rather lessens the emotional coding and significance by desensitizing you from the memory, and makes the grip of it less.  Since reactions are emotionally programmed responses, doing this takes some of the kick out of it, and loosens the habit so that you have an opportunity to plan and do something different.

Basically, imagine you are sitting in a movie theatre, and on the screen is a STILL picture of you right BEFORE the reference memory happened. Now, imagine a part of your inner mind floating up out of your body and in to the projection booth and think about the idea of watching yourself from the booth watching yourself from the theatre watching yourself on the screen.  Allow the color to FADE from the memory, and then imagine what it would be like if the movie of the reference memory started to play forward, but SO FAST that it took only a few seconds to play from start to finish- soundtrack and everything. You should play the inner movie to the end and PAST the end to some point after the reference event when you were both Safe and OK.  Now run it backward at the same speed, soundtrack and everything. Now run the movie forward and back with each breath in and out for 20 or 30 times.  This takes less than 5 minutes.  At the end imagine floating back in to your body, then up onto the screen and TRY IN VAIN to get the same emotional reaction as the first time you experienced this as you allow the memory to play forward ONE LAST TIME.

TIME LINE:  We all have an inner time line- a way we think of time spatially.  For many people if asked to imagine where in space “yesterday” was they point behind them and to the left.  For others NOW is right “here” in front of them, and Tomorrow is forward and somewhere off to the right.  Think of an imaginary line stretching out like that in front of you, but imagine stepping OFF the line so that “here and now” is in front of you but DISCONNECTED some how.  Now, imagine little points on the line that represent events of the past AND future, with similar events being similar colors.  Imagine or think about a colored dot on the past of the time line that represents that reference event that has had the wind taken out of it’s sails.

If you ever find yourself reliving that past event in the NOW, step off the time line and think about or imagine taking that event that is happening NOW and placing it BACK in the PAST where it belongs, then step back on to the time line right AFTER where it had popped up and notice with some interest how the reactions are now discharged allowing you to be able to think clearly.

THOR:  Wouldn’t it be nice to have a BIG safe friend named THOR who stood by you?  His job would be to stop time for a second, tape you on the shoulder when you were about to react and get you to STEP OUT OF the situation and see it through the eyes of an outside.  Imagine for a split second that you were seeing the SAME situation you were about to react to from the eyes (and memories) of every other person in that room.

Thor could be a word you say to yourself, or a deep breath you take.  Thor is a simple SECOND you take and an ATTITUDE you adopt wherein you step OUT OF the situation for a moment, and ask yourself what do I want to achieve with what I am about to do?  Will this get it for me?  Has it worked in the past?  TIME HALTS - ONE RESPONDS.

EDIT YOUR TAPES:  Ok, imagine as many examples of times in the past when you reacted instead of responded.  Now, replay them out and imagine how they might have gone differently if you ERASED the emotional content, stepped off your TIME LINE to put the reaction back in the past and moved forward with THOR.  What would you have said or done differently?  Imagine you DID that!  How is that better?  And Again and Again… Once you’ve looked at 10 or 15 reactions from your past, think of the future.

Imagine 10 or 15 potential situations in the future, and imagine yourself responding rather than reacting… Imagine stepping OUT of the situation so you can think clearly and think about the future and what you would like to experience from this moment forward. 

By doing this a few times in the future as well, you have in essence created both NEW memories of having responded where you had at one time reacted- You are also creating future memories on which to make a pledge to respond with a sense of intelligence and a vision for the future.